Mild Drinkers for A Reason
by Clover Phantom
Summary: This is what happens when you let England drink alcohol strong enough to make America faint after three shots. A drunk Britannia Angel thinking he's suddenly a hero. Hang in there Philippines and America... R&R please


**I don't own Axis Powers Hetalia**

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**I swear, this is what happens when you watch a One Piece movie and after, listen to 'Ranma no Baka'.**

**Oh, and this is like a side story for IceFlake 77's story, "Aren't We?". So I really advise you readers to read that first. Wow, there were 3 R's in that sentence… **

**It's just advice, though. It's your life, enjoy the story.**

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_**Why Is The Rum Gone? D:**_

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"Haaaah!"

"Wait, no! England, that's _not_ the Kraken, stop!"

_**WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! CRAAASH!**_

"Take that, you wretched (hic!) scoundrel!" England said triumphantly, swaying left and right, his star wand on his hand. Philippines stared in horror at the so-called 'Kraken' the older country defeated, this was the last time he brought any native drinks from his home anywhere.

_**Ever!**_

"That '_wretched scoundrel'_ you just whacked to smithereens was Kuya's laptop! It didn't even look like a gigantic octopus-thing!" Philippines exclaimed, massaging his head for the incoming headache that would come soon, very soon. He had stopped using the honorific 'kuya' because apparently, it sounded like a dark curse to England. Having a drunk, British man who is currently wearing an angel costume in your big brother's house was _not_ a fun thing to experience. "England, could you just sit down quietly and wait for Kuya to arrive? You can do that, right?"

"I (hic!) refuse to obey your re- (hic!) quest! You speak (hic!) queerly," England replied, pointing a finger at the very confused and tired fourteen-year-old boy. "Your pro- (hic!)-nunciati- (hic!)-on has a (hic!) strange accent, it bu- (hic!)-tchers the language! I cannot (hic!) listen to someone with a (hic!) strange accent!"

'_Okay, that was just mean.' _It wasn't his fault his English was taught by America and not by him.

"Also, you-… you and that (hic!) man dragged me (hic!) away from my o- (hic!)- wn house!" the drunk blonde accused, glaring at Philippines.

'_If we left you there alone, with your tea sets and books opened to be destroyed, who knows what havoc you would have done after a few minutes?'_

"And you (hic!) can't impris- (hic!) –on me (hic!) 'ere!" he continued, pointing his star wand upwards. "For I am the (hic!) great nation… uh… ahm…"

"… England." Philippines supplied.

"Yes, England!" … England announced, his drunk-hiccups (_yes, it's a word here, I say so_) currently forgotten. "And I'm always the hero!"

"… No, that's Ku-… uhm, America." Kuya was a taboo for a drunken England, Philippines learned the hard way.

"Oh, then… I wish to be one with-!"

"Oh, hell no! That's Belarus!"

"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkol!"

"That's Russia." Sweatdrop.

"Ve~!"

"That's Italy."

"I'm a hero!"

"That's America, again." he deadpanned.

"I rummaged through your drawer and saw your thongs! They were beautiful!"

"Ew. That's France."

"All women are required to wear, miniskirts!"

"That's… _Roy Mustang from Fullmetal Alchemist?"_ Philippines quirked an eyebrow, since when did England watch anime?

"I am the Box Ghost! Beware!"

"…" Okay, since when did he watch that?

"… I see dead unicorns…"

_... Creepy, very creepy._

"Gah! That filthy sea creature has returned, be gone foul beast!" England said, launching an attack, this time, at America's coffee-maker. "Britannia Beam!"

_Sigh._

_**WHAC-!**_

"Philippines, I'm back! Sorry if- _**What the hell happened to my laptop?!**_" America stared in horror at the chunks and bits that was once his laptop. "And don't you dare destroy my coffee-maker!"

He got a handful of England's toga and yanked him away from what would have been the next electronic device to be murdered. England gave the bespectacled blonde a frown, he whacked America on the head with his star wand in reply to being yanked away.

America just ignored him.

"… You know, you look like that little boy I took in years ago, are you two related?" _**Whack! Whack! Whack!**_

"…"

"…"

_**Whack!**_

"... Yeah, this is why Filipinos are mild drinkers."

_**Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!**_

America needed aspirin, badly.

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_**Yes, we Filipinos are mild drinkers. XD **

**In this story, Philippines is 14, usually I portray him at around 10. Reason why he's 14 here is 'cause it corresponds to "Aren't We?"**

**So any corrections? Feel free to point it out.**


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